Entering Parenthood

I am a mother. I’m not quite sure how that happened or what I’m doing, but I have a darling little boy who stares into my eyes…and I love it. It’s been a crazy road the last couple of weeks, but I am happy to report that I am slowly settling into life as a mom. 

Here’s the story of how my life was happily turned upside down:

William Graham Harr was in no hurry to get here. He took his sweet time. It almost drove his mother crazy. Every Braxton-Hicks contraction made me wonder if "the real thing" was beginning or if it just more practice. I ran out of projects to work on, and I had to go to the grocery store again because I had assumed we'd be in the hospital already. 

Friday, May 11 (one week overdue), I woke up at 6:00 a.m. with contractions about 6-8 minutes apart. They weren't particularly painful, so I figured it was just more Braxton-Hicks. I told Graham to go ahead and go to work, but to keep his phone close...just in case. I was still trying hard not to get my hopes up, sure that the contractions would stop any minute. But they didn't. They continued all morning, not really getting more intense though, until my mom and the doctor's office said I should probably go to the hospital to get checked. I told Graham to come home for lunch and not to plan on going back.

We headed to the hospital around 2:00, and we were admitted. After checking and observing me for a while, the nurse told me I was in "latent" labor, which basically meant that it was the beginning stages of labor but I wasn't really progressing. Not again! I thought. Basically we had two choices: go home and wait for labor to progress on its own, or allow the doctor to break my water and induce labor with Pitocin if necessary. I really didn't want to introduce chemicals that could cause potential problems later, but I REALLY didn't want to go home. After some discussion and a prayer, Graham and I decided to stay and see this thing through, sooner than later.

At about 5:00, the doctor broke my water (weird feeling, by the way). At 7:00, they determined that Pitocin was going to be needed to nudge things along, so they started the IV. Whoa, what a nudge! Time became a blur for me after that, and all I will say about the rest of the process is that I will be forever grateful for an awesome nurse who kept encouraging me to stick with my plan for a natural birth, for a jetted tub that helped me relax through some of the toughest parts of labor, and especially for a dedicated husband who stayed with me the whole time and helped me to remember to breathe.  I know he was exhausted by the end both physically and mentally from trying to help me in every way he could, which often meant putting counter-pressure on my legs with all the force he could muster during contraction after contraction for several hours.

Finally, after several more hours of labor, getting stuck at 9 cm dilated for a while, and an hour of pushing, William Graham Harr made his debut. He weighed in at 8 lbs. 10 oz. and measured 22 inches long. He had a full head of dark hair, and we thought he was adorable from the first moment. Graham says it was incredible to see him be born, but I didn't watch, and I was too busy being relieved and recovering for the several minutes right after to pay much attention to what was going on.

Looking back, I am amazed by the whole experience. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever done. It was an incredibly difficult mental challenge to keep myself relaxed and positive, rather than letting myself be overwhelmed by pain and fear. Still, it was a beautiful experience, too. I felt empowered by realizing what I am capable of, and it brought Graham and me closer in a way I can't describe. 

Maybe I'm crazy, but I'd do it naturally again.

Besides, isn't this face worth whatever it took to get him here?

And this is my favorite sight these days...my two favorite boys together:

Oh What Do You Do on Maternity Leave?

Remember that old primary song, "Oh what do you do in the summertime..."? I have been singing that to myself this week, but I changed the words. Here's my version:

Oh, what do you do on maternity leave

when the baby has yet to be born?

Do you waddle around, and look at the mound

that is your growing belly?

Is that what you do? So do I!

Actually, this past week has been great (though I am flabbergasted when I look at the above picture and realize how big this baby is getting). I've had time to clean, shop, and otherwise get things ready for the baby. I have even found the energy to complete on several projects that I had been planning. Here are some of my recent successes:

Car seat cover for our little guy! I love that the lions on the fabric say "ROAR" and the giraffes say "Hello down there!" So fun!

Nursing cover...practical and cute!

And...the biggest accomplishment of all...I finally finished the quilt that my sisters & I have been working on for almost a year for our nephew. Hooray for online video tutorials that taught me how to bind a quilt, and hooray for endless episodes of Monk that kept me company while I hand-stitched the binding on the back side. It was a really neat project to see come together in the end, and I hope Damon gets some good use out of the quilt. It's in the mail and on its way to him as we speak!

I have more projects in mind for this week, but we'll see how far I get before baby boy decides it's time to come. Five days until my due date. This is starting to feel real...and surreal...and exciting. Wish us luck. I think we're going to need all we can get. :)

It Was the Best of Times. It Was the Worst of Times.

But, mostly, it was the best of times.

As I make the transition from full-time teacher and wrangler of teenagers to home-maker and soon-to-be-mom, I have reflected back on all of the adventures I've had with my students. Teaching is by far the hardest thing I've ever done, definitely harder than I realized as a bright-eyed student at BYU. Still, it's been one of the most rewarding things I've done, and I can't imagine a better career to have spent my time and effort pursuing over the last six years.

There are times I have wanted to pull my hair out, moments I have shaken my head in disbelief at the words that come out of my students' mouths, and instants where I haven't been able to help laughing out loud. Many days, all three of these happen, and that's one of the reasons I love being a teacher. It's never boring.

I learn so much from my students each day. Here is some of the "wisdom" that I have gathered from their writing...

A friend will walk away from you when you get annoying. A true friend will tackle you and duct tape your mouth shut.

The more I learn about boys, the more I like my dog. (I hope she changes her opinion on that, but not for a few years...she's only 12).

On a scale of one to Prussia, I'm Prussia.

Hopefully, I've taught them something, too. I've gotten some interesting questions over the years, such as...

Are there elephants in the Mojave Desert? (not naturally)

Can we skateboard in your classroom? (no)

Is Mexico in the United States? (not yet)

What's that thing called with the dot and the comma? (a semi-colon)

Last week, I found myself laughing as I considered the question I had just asked two boys in the hall (I only laughed after I was out of their presence, mind you):

"What possessed you to think that picking someone up by the legs and swinging them upside down in circles in the middle of a crowded hallway at lunchtime was a good idea?" 

His answer: "I don't know."

And I know he was telling the truth. If I have learned only one thing from six years of teaching, it is that seventh grade boys often don't know why they just did something idiotic, dangerous, or otherwise completely unhelpful. Is it bad that I'm getting used to it? 

So, here's to the over 1100 students I've had walk through my doors over the years. I've certainly learned from you, my scholars. I hope I taught you something worthwhile in return. And if you didn't learn what a semi-colon is, I hope you learned the far more important lesson that learning is always possible, often important, and can be fun if you let it be.

Maybe I'll be back in the classroom someday. Until then, I'll be teaching (and learning) in a whole new setting.

The View From Here

Here's what I've been looking at recently:

Actually, the funny part is that I had to lean over so you would be able to see my feet in this picture. I definitely feel like a big, round ball of baby these days. We're making final preparations for our bundle of joy, and the view around our apartment has changed a bit.

Until last weekend, this was our office/guest room/storage room. Now, the computer is in the living room and our storage has been cleaned out (or at least redistributed). The room is still not fully decorated, but it's at least functional for now.

It weirds me out to see a stroller and car seat in our apartment. It weirds me out even more when I realize that in a few weeks they will be occupied!

And, just for added cuteness, can you say, "Helloooo cute owls"? After examining the picture, I questioned whether the eyes make them look a bit creepy, but I've decided they're still adorable.

Ready or not, here we go!

Dear Baby Boy,

I am sorry Daddy and I still haven't named you, but do you have to get back at me by doing hand stands on my hip bones? Also, in case you haven't figured it out by now, you will not be able to escape through my belly button. You're just going to have to be patient; in due time, a better way out will present itself.

Good news, though: Daddy and I finally bought you a crib last week, and (after much research and discussion) we've decided on a car seat and stroller, too. That means the hospital will actually let us take you home! We even promise to name you by then.

I'm not sure I can promise that your room will be completely cleaned and decorated by the time you come, but I'm working on it. Really, it's up to you. If you wait until your due date like a good little boy, I'm more likely to finish all the projects on my list. Daddy keeps trying to tell me that you really won't care if there is artwork on your wall or if the decor is color-coordinated, and maybe he's right, but I sense that you have an appreciation for aesthetically appealing spaces. You are going to have some cute clothes and lots of books to read, too, thanks to the generosity of a lot of people. I hope you remember to thank them someday.

My big (and growing bigger daily) boy, I'm so excited for you to join our little family. I can't wait to see your face and snuggle you tightly. Most of all, I can't wait to see your daddy hold you. Oh, and I'm sorry about the earthquake he created for you yesterday; he just likes to see and feel you move.

I'll see you soon (but let's not jump the gun)!

Love,

Mom

An Ode to D'Artagnan

In 2003, I bought my first laptop. He was dashing, debonaire, sturdy...everything a girl could ask for. I named him D'Artagnan and christened him as my knight in shining armor (he was kind of shiny after all). He was a handsome HP Pavillion notebook with a Pentium 4 processor and 512 MB of DDR SDRAM. I used to know what that meant.

Nine years later, however, my knight in shining armor had grown old and weak. I think he actually wheezed every time I turned him on. He had no battery life, and I had begun to wonder why I was so insistent on buying a machine that had a floppy drive (the salesman, to his credit, tried to convince me that they were on their way out).

Despite my machine's flaws and the fact that I hadn't really used it in two or three years, I had a soft spot for it. Graham says I personify everything, and he's right, but this little guy had stayed with me faithfully through all my years of college. We had a history...and it was full of good memories.

Nevertheless, I conceded that it was time to retire my knight permanently. Graham, my new knight in shining armor (though he's less shiny and isn't named for one of the musketeers), decided that we needed to destroy the hard drive before throwing away the computer. This was the result:

Can you see the look of pure joy on his face?

Really, it worked out well for both of us. He got to dissect the computer, and I got to play with camera settings while photographing the experiment.

So, thanks for all the memories, D'Artagnan. You were a true friend (except for that one time you deleted my 13 page paper).

P.S. - Here's another pregnant shot for Mom. Last night, I thought baby boy might just pop out of my belly button. Graham says that asking him to leave space for me in there is just setting myself up for failure. I think he's right.

Food: A Serious Topic

I once had a friend who told me that if he could just take a pill that would give him all the necessary nutrients to sustain life, he would give up on eating food altogether. I honestly pitied him for the experiences (or lack thereof) that had led him to feel so apathetic toward food. I, on the other hand, plan to keep eating throughout eternity even if my body no longer needs the sustenance once I'm resurrected.

For me, food is about so much more than sustaining life. It's about savoring tastes, experimenting with new flavors, sharing experiences with friends and family, and creating memories and traditions to be relived over and over. Food is science, art, history, and culture all wrapped up into one tasty package.

I didn't know until a few years ago that not everyone's family regularly discusses things like the sugar content of various types of oranges and the growing seasons of the big vs. small strawberries. I didn't realize that it is uncommon to have so many family traditions that center around eating certain meals on certain holidays. I never considered that for many people family history is not directly connected to knowledge of certain cuts of meat and rare herbs.

But in my family, understanding and appreciating food is essential to living what many call "the abundant life".

I recently came across the following quote: "Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are." (The Physiology of Taste)

For me, I think there is a lot of truth in that statement. Here are a few recent meals that I've made:

Hash...this simple meal of leftover roast beef pan fried with potatoes is the ultimate comfort food that I remember from my childhood. Sometimes, simple is best. A lesson I'm trying to live by each day.

Piroshki...a tribute to my Russian heritage, and a family favorite since just about forever. I have introduced various roommates to this meal. Every time I make it (like today), I feel like I'm sharing a little bit of my history with those I cook for and understanding my roots a little bit more.

Chicken Asparagus Roulades...a seemingly fancy meal at first glance, but surprisingly fast and fairly simple to make. This is what I made Graham for Valentine's Day this year, and it was somewhat of a leap of faith. I was afraid I would burn it, and I was a little surprised in the end how well it turned out. Like so many things in life, you never know what you can create if you're too afraid to try.

What are your favorite meals? What do they say about you? Link the recipe in the comments if you want. I'm always looking for new things to try.